Actually do hit the Covidiot who refuses to wear it

What the condom was to HIV, the mask is to SARS-CoV-2. It’s easier to slip on; you need to do so in less fumbling/ agitated circumstances; there’s nothing surreptitious about it, indeed it must be worn khullam khulla in public; and you don’t have to worry each time about disposing a thingummy that’s almost as undisposable as it is indispensable. So why are so many coronassholes refusing to prevent mouth-to-mouth transmission? Heaven alone nose.

Our housing complex is most agitated about something as simple as this. Were we worried about household help bringing in the virus? Nah. What really got the WhatsApp messages flying like accusations in Rajasthan was residents. Those refusing to wear a mask at all – let alone in the WHO, CDC, BMC ordered fashion – while walking/ running/ socialising in our open space. As a concession, they carry masks, but dangling from their necks or wrists, as effective as those helmets on handlebars.

All manner of deterrents were suggested, including unmasking them – metaphorically. Not in the literal counterproductive way because, for one thing, they weren’t wearing one in the first place, let alone the correct place. Name and shame was considered, but dropped on ‘privacy’ grounds. So the badass continues bindaas.

Mandate is defied most by men. Maybe they swallow a dairyload of  haldi-doodh and all the other immunity boosters that are being revealed to us with the regularity of Nirav Modi’s globally-scattered assets. Then there are the ones at half-mask. They too declare mourning for the rest of us.

If stick isn’t feasible, can carrot be deployed? Remind them how fully masked superheroes have the best stunt-masters. How his lurid green find turned Stanley Ipkiss/ Jim Carrey from bumbling bank clerk to sexy swinger. How those scary ones bestow supernatural powers on Zambian Makishi dancers and the tribal load of voodoo witch doctors. The more lit types can have the book thrown at them: Oscar Wilde, Max Beerbohm, Guy de Maupassant, Edgar Allan Poe, Soren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Yukio Mishima. (List courtesy, Google.)

Or we could prevent all those virus-laden droplets from flying around simply by tweaking that airline instruction: ‘Cover your nose and mouth so that the rest of us can breathe normally – and safely.’


Alec Smart said: “Poonawalla’s vaccine could be the object of our Adar-ation.”

DISCLAIMER : This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.

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Written by Owais Khan

I am an Artificial intelligence engineer and data scientist.


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