The virus and politicians are a perfect match

Headline Hoggers No 1 have faced a serious challenge from the coronavirus. But where’s the competition, Boss? So much that’s Covid-related applies to netagiri.

Take the three basic preventives.

Masks: This simple covering is safe, effective and a zillion times cheaper than a vaccine. If people wore it with the same alacrity as Modi-masks at a BJP rally, it would have flattened curves faster than a silicone-implant crisis.

Hand washing: Unlike aam janata, politicians have long made a habit of washing their hands of nuisances. Like Lady Macbeth, Mr Gehlot has been saying, ‘Out, damned Pilot.’ But the Rajasthan governor/ HC has put him in a spot.

Social distancing: This safeguard is a known preventive against topplers infecting your MLAs. The corralling of Gehlot/ Pilot supporters in luxury hotels is only the latest example. It’s same-to-same as ‘Isolation/ Quarantine’. It has been resorted to since the 1995 ‘Khajuriya-Hajuriya’ Gujarat crisis when rebel BJP leader Shankersinh Vaghela holed up his 47 MLAs in Khajuraho.

Want more cross-infections between pandemic and politician?

Antigen: ‘Anti-GenNext’ better describes Mr Gehlot’s aversion. In fact, the conflict between entrenched Old Guard and itchy new is endemic to the Congress. The newbie Mrs Gandhi outwitted the Syndicate way back in 1969. ModiShah effectively eradicated a similar affliction traceable to advanced-age Advani.

Case load: This occurs when the courts have to work overtime. Eg, when the Rajasthan Speaker challenged the HC’s directive on disqualification of Pilot’s MLAs.

Case fatality rate: This refers to the number of times a crisis ends with the ruling party losing state control.

Doubling rate: The changing rate of exchange as horse-trading hots up. It causes as many nightmares to the chief minister concerned as to his counterpart in Covid-multiplying states.

Immunity boosters: Corona has scores of Dadiji decoctions and Iyengar inversions. Politics has only two ways to boost immunity against defection-infection: money and portfolios. These have proven efficacy.

Jumping across species: Like Corona-vector bats, stealthy politicians navigate using echolocation, jumping over to a new party when sound waves hit hard cash.

Vaccines: Chanting ‘Go Carona Go’/ Hanuman chalisa, banging bartans, lighting diyas – politicians have manufactured enough vaccines to make Poonawalla switch from serum to rum.

* * *

Alec Smart said: “Will Ram Mandir be Corona’s Lakshman- rekha?”

DISCLAIMER : This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.

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Written by Owais Khan

I am an Artificial intelligence engineer and data scientist.


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